4.4 Letting (Things Slide)

Posted: May 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

My ankle and foot before.


So I managed an entire evening of revelry and merry-making in the heels you see pictured above. I’m not talented in heels — perhaps someday I’ll make heel-walking (ironically, I just spelled that the first time as “hell-walking”) one of my to-be-learned items. But, in truth, after you read today’s post, you’ll know that what I really need to learn is how to be present in my body. Or perhaps How to Walk Barefoot 101.

Heels + drinking + great food + fab friends + erotic art festival = Happy girl.

Waking up the next morning, walking to the bathroom, and then walking back to the couch = Ouch.

Here’s what I did. I fell down.

Okay, it was slightly more complicated than that. I fell down off a single stair (that leads from the foyer into the sunken living room). I think what I actually did was step half-on and half-off the stair. The next thing I know, I hear a seriously loud POP!, I’m yelling something and crumpling to the rug. Not wanting to wake my hosts (turns out they were already awake and watching a movie, which luckily drowned out both the sound of my foot and my pride breaking), I crawled, shaking and sweaty, to the bathroom, where I proceeded to hunch over the toilet, retching from pain.

When my delightful host came downstairs with her daughter (who’d been waiting to meet me and was all bubbly joy-joy), they found me standing stork-legged at the bottom of their stairs, looking ash gray and begging for ice.

Needless to say, it wasn’t the kind of weekend we expected to have.

And, apparently, since I had promised to spend the week learning about letting, the universe thought it would help me along with my goal and throw a serious curve ball. Not only by wrecking my foot, but by turning me into a needy, unable to do a damn thing, house guest.

I pride myself on being a good house guest, whether I’m staying with friends, renting from someone, or house sitting. I keep my things organized and in one spot, I do the dishes, I wipe up my spills, I love their pets, I clean up after myself (and after them if I can get away with it). But this weekend, I mostly sat around watched my friend K take loving care of me (and her children) by driving me all over, cooking us fantastic food, doing the dishes, keeping the conversation rolling, and much much more.

It’s hard for me to sit by and watch that. It’s hard for me to sit still at all. It’s hard for me to be needy or under the weather. I learn so much from my friends. K just took everything in stride, never made me feel stupid or lazy for the fact that I spent my entire weekend sipping wine and eating her food and popping her pain pills with my foot up on a chair-pillow concoction.

I want to learn to be that. Both sides. The side that can take assistance and do it with grace and kindness. And the kind that can offer assistance the same way.

Breaking your neurons, one step at a time, s.

My ankle and foot after. You don’t even want to see the color and shape of it under all of that. Trust me.


  1. Dayle says:

    Oh honey, I’m SO sorry! I know just what that pain feels like…my ankle is twinging in sympathy. I’ve sprained my ankles more times than I can count–my left ankle is so loose that it has been known to spontaneously give out whilst I’m walking barefoot on a flat surface.

    Ice for 48 hours to get the swelling down, then heat, and then don’t rush things. Give it time to heal.

    I’m sending nurturing energy your way…

  2. […] yummy. I wanted every outfit and every body I saw there!). But the next morning, I fell off a step (You can read it all here — if you dare) and now I’m a bobbling, hobbling fool. Probably off my feet for… […]

  3. Jay Lake says:

    Ouch. One thing about being a man who doesn’t generally cross-dress… Birks are a lot kinder than heels to the feet. :\

  4. Katherine says:

    Awww man! I’m so sorry…what a pain. But sounds like you’re taking it in strides, or should I say in un-strides!

    Like Dayle said–take it easy, don’t rush it, let yourself be still.

    Lucky for you that you can write sitting down with your foot up!

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